my dad

Today my Dad turns 62. Wow.

We used to call him "the boy" because when my Mom married him, he was 14 years younger than she was. Yes, my Mom robbed the cradle as they say.

I will always be thankful for the time that "Joe" came into my life. My "real" Dad died when I was just 10 years old. My little world was shaken and I could not grasp the reality that I would grow up without him. I missed

having a Dad.

Joe was a friend of my parents for years prior to my Dad's death. He was no stranger to my Mom and he was among one of the single men that sought to take her out to dinner in an attempt to get her living life again. Although Joe was a part of a big family - one of seven children - he did not have his own family and had little experience with children in general.

When he and my Mom started officially dating, she came with a package! My sister Jennifer and I were just kids - ages 10 and 12 at the time. Our oldest two sisters were married but certainly still very much a part of our close knit family. If Joe married my Mom, he would have a ready made family and would also be giving up starting a family of his very own.

The two main words that I believe define Joe's character are: sacrificial and loyal

I remember one winter when we were experiencing a snow storm and driving was near impossible. My Mom really wanted to see Joe (they were still just dating at the time) but the several feet of snow was keeping them apart. In a gallant effort to be with her, he put on his skis and actually skied to our home! As a young girl at the time, I thought this was the coolest most romantic thing ever.

For not having any experience with children, after marrying my Mom, Joe jumped right into his role as Dad. He never tried to replace my "real" Dad; he was himself. He was learning as he went along. I'm sure my sister and I presented many challenges to him, but his love and care for us was always marked by sacrificial love and loyalty.

I can see Joe's face among the crowd at my many, many softball games. Sometimes I would have 3-4 games a week and he was always there. Always.

I can see Joe sitting beside me in a car in a parking lot at Villa Cresta Elementary school, patiently teaching me how to parallel park.

I can see Joe waiting up for me when I came home from dates with boys.

I can see Joe's smiling face when he became a grandfather for the first time.

I can see Joe's face and imagine his arm supporting mine as he walked me down the aisle on my wedding day.

I can see Joe's scared face beside my children's scared faces as we rode the Tower of Terror together at Disney.

I can see Joe's face in airports as he waited among the crowds to meet his grandchildren that were adopted from Russia. I can see both Stephen and Abbie in his arms.

I can see Joe' face in a courtroom in Bel Air, celebrating our adoption of David and Jayda. Long before we even knew we were adopting these precious children, Joe embraced them as if they were already his grandchildren.

I can see Joe's eyes tear up just about whenever he reads a Father's Day card from one of his daughters or grandchildren. His sensitivity is a refection of his love for each of us.

I can see Joe's face and hear his laughter as he spends time with our big loud family. He is quick to laugh at himself and even quicker to help any of us when we need it.

I don't know why my "real" Dad died when I was just 10 years old. There is never an easy explanation for things like this, but if ever something amazing could come out of something terrible, Joe is that for me. He has truly been the very best father a little girl could ask for!

Happy Birthday Joe, Dad, Pop-Pop.....You wear many hats and have many names!

I love you for each and every one!

*Note to readers: the various pictures show what a good sport my Dad is! In my family, dressing up in various costumes is part of the fun!

"sometimes being a mom sucks"

Yep. I confess. That's the horrible sentence that I muttered under my breath, just loud enough for Matt to hear, while I was preparing dinner for my family tonight. I didn't say it angrily; just very matter of fact. This of course makes it no better, but for someone that can speak with sarcastic, angry tones, I can at least celebrate that by God's grace I controlled that part of it.

When your child stands up to bat for his very first tee ball game, being a mom is amazing.

When your child rides his or her bike for the first time without your hands steadying it from behind, being a mom is amazing.

When your child reads his or her first book and you know that you are the one that spent hours teaching them letter sounds and phonics, being a mom is amazing.

When a stranger compliments your child's good behavior in a restaurant or store, being a mom is amazing.

But sometimes being a mom stinks. It doesn't have to be that way though.

(I am changing the word from "sucks" to "stinks" because I know that word is offensive to some - my apologies).

Today, I felt that way and those words flew out of my mouth because...

I was hungry.

I was tired.

I was trying to grill food outside and make food inside and serve it to my family outside. There was a lot of running in and out. I was getting irritated.

I was standing while everyone else was sitting, relaxing, talking.

Everyone got their hotdogs, hamburgers, caesar salad, fresh peaches, and drinks before I did.

In fact, by the time I was ready to sit down and eat, everyone else was finishing up and the kids were eating fudge pops.

Really?

Do I always have to be last around this house. Is Mother's Day the only day I get to go first? And I went last all day long! Can't I go at least second at dinner time? Why always last? These were the attitudes within my heart that I didn't speak. But I was thinking them and believing them and building a great case for myself.

As I sat inside alone, having lost my appetite, I knew my statement was born out of self-pity and unbelief in God's word.

It's true that being a mother is a call to sacrifice; to daily serve others before yourself. Actually, this is the call of everyone who calls himself or herself a child of God. But caring for small children (& big children too) all day long just affords you constant opportunities to serve. And serve. And serve.

And serve.

And put yourself last. Again. And again. And again.

And again.

When my heart is believing that this job is a glorious gift...

When my heart is resting in God's promises that He gives grace to the humble...

When my heart is thankful that He has ordained me to disciple these four precious lives, that they might know and follow their Creator...

Then being last is the greatest thing.

And being a mom doesn't stink! It only stinks when my eyes are on myself and when I am believing and living the lie that putting others before myself is a foolish waste of time. It only stinks when I am believing and living the lie that true happiness can be found in doing what I want, when I want. Everyone else, please step aside, it's time for ME.

These verses are the ones that immediately came to mind.

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship."

Romans 12:1

"Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. "

Romans 12:10

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant,

Philippians 2:3-7

"God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble"

James 4:6

I thought of Elisabeth Elliot and her book "The Shaping of a Christian Family."

This portion greatly encouraged me and gave me a fresh picture of what mothering is all about:

"A talented woman was asked by a friend, 'Why have you never written a book?'

'I am writing two' was the quiet reply. 'I have been engaged on one for ten years, the other five.'

'You surprise me!' the friend said. 'What profound works they must be!'

'It doth not yet appear what they shall be,' said the woman, 'but when He makes up His jewels, my great ambition is to find them there.'

'Your children?'

'Yes, my two children. They are my life's work.'

re-meeting shaun groves

Years ago, when Matt and I were hanging out with our friends Dave and Kris Bannasch, they handed me a CD entitled "Invitation to Eavesdrop" by Shaun Groves.

Kris was really impacted by the song "Welcome Home" and after listening to it myself, it became one of my instant favorites. Thanks Bannasch fam' for introducing me to Shaun Groves!

About 6 months ago, I had the privilege of "re-meeting" Shaun through his blog. I am always encouraged, most often challenged in the best of ways, and I sometimes find myself laughing to the point of tears. Shaun continues to speak and sing but only if he can take time to promote Compassion International. He doesn't charge a dime to the public or promoters and uses these opportunities to share the needs of children around the world in hopes that the awareness will lead to more child sponsors.

When Shaun posted that he was creating a new CD, I was super excited to support him and I hope you give it a listen (links provided below) and then make a purchase!

Just yesterday, he invited people to interview him via email so I took him up on the offer, forming three questions that I thought would best give you a window into his heart and how that translates into his music.

So, allow me to introduce you to Shaun Groves.

As a parent, what are some practical ways that you have sought to lead your children in caring for orphans, the homeless, and other vulnerable people both here and abroad?

We sponsor a child through Compassion International for each of our children when they reach age five. Our kids come up with some of the money it takes to sponsor these children, and my kids write their sponsored kids letters every other month. It's a great way for my kids to learn generosity, gain perspective, make a friend on the other side of the world...and learn geography and penmanship!

And every Wednesday I take my kids to our church's food pantry to stock shelves, count cans, break down boxes for recycling and fill grocery bags. They understand by now why some families come to the pantry for help and why it is that we're helping them as a family. Lots of conversations have been had about how we're working with God to help other families and about how other families have helped us in other ways over the years.

Our church also has an incredible children's minister who gets older kids involved in serving littler ones. So our oldest - now ten - is a teacher's aid on Sunday mornings every other month. She loves it and has so much fun doing it that she doesn't realize she's establishing a good habit of serving others in her church family.

Lastly, we're adopting siblings from Ethiopia right now - a long process we're halfway through! And this was a decision we made as a family. We talked about the need in Ethiopia and about how their mom and I wondered if we should do something to meet that need as a family. As we learned more about adoption we shared that with the kids and talked through the decision with them. We wanted them to pray and let us know what they thought God wanted us to do. We let them weigh the sacrifices, talk through how they'd divide up our limited space and whether they'd want to limit their extracurriculars so that every kid in the family could do something they love, etc. There was a lot of discussion. And in the end, they decided with that adoption was something God wanted us to begin together. I think this decision, more than any other, has taught them that sometimes generosity requires sacrifice and that what we sacrifice is so often given back to us in unexpected and spectacular ways.

Is there a particular book that has impacted you that might help someone who would like to take a step in reaching out to those in the Third World?

I think anyone who wants to help others - anywhere in the world - should read When Helping Hurts by Brian Fikkert. The book caused me to reexamine the efficacy of every mission trip I'd ever been part of as a young person and turned me into the world's biggest fan of Compassion International and other holistic development organizations and initiatives. They work. The book convincingly explains why. Development, not charity, releasing the whole person from systemic need.

Can I be greedy and name a second book? Announcing The Kingdom by Charles E. Van Engen, Dean S. Gilliland and Shawn B. Redford is a book more about the theology of God's mission. For so much of my life I looked at caring for the poor and preaching the gospel as both good but unconnected. In the bible, they're not at all unconnected. Twice in the gospel of Matthew Jesus, in fact, is said to have "preached and healed" wherever he went. In His mind - the mind of God - ministry to body and soul went together somehow. This book does a good job of explaining why, of helping us understand the word "salvation" as something holistic, present and eternal, the way the authors say Jesus and other Jews did. Helped me understand why I felt compelled by God to care for those in need - it was no longer a feel-good tangent I was going off on for some unknown reason but it was very central stuff to the mission of God on earth.

With regards to your newest CD, "Third World Symphony", is there one song that just really stands out to you; one song that is especially meaningful to you and if so, why?

Depends on the day you ask me. Today I like Awake My Soul. My nieces and nephew just visited for a few days. There've been lots of laughs, watermelon, board games, late nights in our house this week. Awake My Soul reminds me that these are gifts from God, to be slowly savored and remembered and traced back to the Giver. Listening to that song this morning reminded me to notice their faces, every wrinkle, every freckle. To not be annoyed by the noise or merely tolerate it but to really hear it, to give thanks for it while these kids are small, while it all lasts. What a beautiful week we had - awake together.

Take some time to check out Shaun's new CD entitled Third World Symphony:

Here's where the player can be found: http://soundcloud.com/shaungroves/sets/third-world-symphony

And here's where the album can be purchased: http://shaungroves.com/store/third-world-symphony/

lessons from sandy

In case you are just jumping in on this adventure, you may want to check out this post.

Sandy and I have kept in touch via cell phone, and last night our family decided to meet up with her at McDonald's for dinner. We found her sitting alone in the booth in the very back of the restaurant. Her face was sunburned and she looked a little worn out from the heat, but her bright blue eyes smiled when she saw us.

It wasn't easy finding out what she really preferred for dinner; it's her natural default to shyly ask for the cheapest thing on the menu. And even that takes some probing. But our heart was to give her whatever she wanted; whatever was her favorite thing. I took the approach of an interviewer and asked, "Sandy - in your opinion, what is the best thing to eat here?" She played along and answered, "Filet-o'-fish."

Mission accomplished.

Sitting across from her, looking into her eyes, I tear up myself, as I consider her situation in life. I try to hold back my tears but I'm not so good at that these days. She's not either and this unites us in a strangely warm way.

I shared with her that I often considered doing my own personal experiment, by holding a sign that says, "Homeless: Help." For a brief afternoon, I could see how people would treat me. She chuckled and agreed to help me by sharing her experiences of having to do this for the last few days. All day. I got her permission to share her story.

Since 2007 she has been living on the streets, in a shelter, or in a car with her boyfriend who recently left her - taking her few personal belongings with him. She has never held a "Homeless" sign before. It's awkward for her. It's embarrassing. But she doesn't know what else to do. She quit school in the 9th grade and aside from taking care of a home she once shared with her husband before his death, she has limited skills.

She has filled out several job applications at local businesses but no one has called her back as of yet. In the meantime, she needs money for food and a place to stay, so she picks up her homemade sign that reads, "Homeless: Please Help" and stands outside. One day she didn't get "a half a penny" but yesterday things were a little different.

• One woman stopped and told her that she needed a rich man to come and take care of her.

• A man gave her a dollar and then told her he would give her more money if she would get in his car and do things for him.

• Another man didn't give her any money but promised money if she would get in his car.

• Lots of people drove by and gave her the middle finger.

• Several people yelled, "You're a b#*$#."

And though most people just drove by her, the most common verbal response was:

• "You're lazy, just get a job!"

And if we're honest, even if we don't say it out loud, isn't that what most of us are tempted to think or already thinking about people holding signs?

Tim Keller's book "Ministries of Mercy" prepared my heart so well as I've begun a friendship with Sandy.

We had a great little dinner, talking about our lives, laughing at the children, and trying to figure out how we could be of help to her. She is trying to get a job and the type of work she feels she could handle include caring for pets, stuffing envelopes or other simple office tasks, and cleaning houses.

After dinner we were able to get her a few items we thought she could use, along with a drawstring backpack to carry her belongings.

It was strange driving away from her, knowing she would more than likely be sleeping on the streets on in a vacant truck she discovered the other night.

up close & pesonal with Abigail Smith

June 29, 2011

8:00 p.m.'ish

Bel Air, Maryland

This morning I sat down with local cool kid, Abigail Smith, to ask her about her recent bike accident that resulted in a trip to Patient First.

What in the world happened?

Well, I was riding my bike down a hill and it started going out of control. I fell off and it was dragging me along the street.

What did you do? Did you freak out?

As soon as I got up from the street, the whole cut and around it was completely white. I got back on my bike and rode to my house. When I got home, it started bleeding and then I freaked out because I knew it looked bad.

Where did you go and was the doctor nice?

My mom and dad took me to Patient First. Dr. Igor was my doctor and he was from Moscow, Russia just like me. He was very nice. He told me that I would feel one mosquito bite (the needle to numb it) and then I wouldn't feel anything else. He was right.

Did the needle hurt? Did you cry?

Yes, the needle hurt. I didn't cry but I was close. My mom encouraged me to look at her instead of what the doctor was doing and she told me to breathe. That helped me not to cry. My mom was watching the doctor put in the stitches but my dad had to look away.

How many stitches did you get?

Four.

Does it still hurt?

Only when my mom cleans it and re-bandages it.

Will you ride your bike again?

YES. I will.

What advice would you give to other kids in case this happens to them?

I would tell them to breathe and don't panic.

So...less than a week later, our second daughter needed medical attention.

When Jayda was injured, Abbie was an emotional mess - practically hyperventilating. Yet when she was injured, although she initially cried, she calmed down and stayed strong through the worst of it.

When Abbie was injured, Jayda was an emotional mess - screaming and crying, "Abbie bleed!" In fact, when I had to clean Abbie's cut and re-bandage it, Jayda and David both wanted to look at it. This is the reaction that followed.

Everyone is happy in this pre-clean/re-bandage picture. They are holding Abbie's hands and everyone is smiling. Things are good!

Jayda is so curious to see the boo boo.

After looking, Jayda begins to cry, "Abbie bleed!"

At this point, I cleaned the cut and I was allowing it to dry. David is very concerned and Abbie was very sad. The cleaning part hurts.

I'm so thankful that in both cases with my girls, they experienced minimal pain. Both accidents could have been far worse.

In both situations, Matt was home at a time he would not normally be home so we were able to care for our family together. This was good for us and kind of God. I learned that David knows the importance of prayer as he wanted to pray for Abbie repeatedly and out of concern (like a brother) he doesn't think she should ride her bike anymore.

I saw my oldest son, Stephen, remain calm in both situations. I think that God gives him grace for this as hard things happen to others and it's only when something scary is happening to him that he panics.

I'm not hoping for any more accidents that lead us to the ER, believe me, but I can honestly and sincerely thank God for the clear ways He has showed our entire family - youngest to oldest - His faithfulness and care for us in the day to day stuff of life.

bracelets for two

Last week, Matt and I were sitting in Bob Evans, attempting to enjoy a spontaneous little breakfast date.

Matt: "I think this is going to be a great new season for us now that Stephen can legally babysit. We'll be able to enjoy things like this."

Or will we?

Just minutes after that optimistic statement, we received a frantic phone call from Stephen. There was screaming and crying in the background. This couldn't be good. Matt hung up and told me:

"Jayda fell and her head is bleeding. I'm running home - you stay here."

Yeah, right, sure. I'll enjoy a nice omelet with a cup of brew while you tend to my baby girl's bleeding head. Let me know how it goes....I'll be here in Bob Evans pigging out.

I guess we all say odd things when we are in stressful situations. Matt was in a panic and he wanted to make sure he got to the scene first. And I do appreciate that.

Just moments behind him, I rushed out, breaking a few speed limit laws, racing to get home. Would she need stitches? Stephen is prone to panic attacks...is he o.k.? How bad is this going to be?

First thing I saw when I opened the front door was a rather large pool of blood on the carpet.

First thing I heard when I opened the front door was screaming and crying. Screaming from Jayda and crying from Abbie, the big sister who was so frightened for her little sister. Abs was also the one who had cleaned up all blood from Jayda's body and no doubt this gave way to fear. Stephen was extremely calm and level headed, handling the situation like a pro.

Immediately Matt and I began playing our parts.

I put pressure on the head and gave Jayda a popsicle, which eliminated all screaming immediately. Thank God for that recent sale at Shop Rite where I stocked up on these frozen treats.

Matt grabbed his Norwex "magic rag" and began cleaning the large blood spots and trail that Jayda left behind. And for you skeptics out there, yes, Norwex worked perfectly.

Our trusty friend Allyson was already on her way to our house so she stayed to calm Abbie down while we took Jayda to the ER. Thankfully, no stitches required. She "dodged a bullet" as the doctor said.

We've only had two ER visits in our life and both have been with Jayda! This comes as no surprise, really.

I mean, it's Jayda.

I'm happy to report that her little laceration has healed just fine. Even while she was in the room at the ER, she was jumping up and down and bouncing on the bed.

I wish this was the last of our "accidents" but....

if the sun was out

Instead of the bright sunny day we were anticipating, the sun hid behind clouds, changing our plans.

No pool = disappointed children.

But God had a different plan for our family. Far greater than we could have imagined.

When our little ewoks were taking their naps, Matt stayed home so I could do a special date with Stephen and Abbie. They chose the library of all places, so after a quick bite at Panera, we drove towards the Abingdon branch. Just as we were approaching the entrance, we noticed a homeless woman holding a sign that read "Homeless: Please help." The kids anticipated my words before they even left my mouth.

"Guys - we have to see what's going on here. I'm going to stop."

That began an adventure that wonderfully consumed our afternoon and extended into the evening.

If the sun was out and shining bright like the weather forecast stated, we never would have met Sandy, a 42 year old homeless woman in our own community. I never would have had the privilege of sitting in the library, listening to her life story; learning of her struggles.

If the sun was out, we never would have had dinner with her as a family.

If the sun was out, we never would have sat in a restaurant, sharing the gospel with her.

She never would have heard Jayda (3) sing Happy Birthday to everyone in the van as we drove to a nearby hotel.

If the sun was out, Abbie would not have been walking through Target with me, picking out clothes for a woman that didn't have any.

If the sun was out, our children would not have experienced our attempt at living out the parable of the Good Samaritan, as we sought to care for our neighbor.

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

We planned our way today and the way led to the pool we just joined. But the Lord established our steps and He led our every step to Sandy.

And I'm so grateful He did.

Our family is nothing special. We are not uniquely gifted and we don't have experience working with the homeless. But our lives have been bombarded with God's grace and mercy; both of which we do not deserve. This love that Christ has shown towards us is what motivated us to befriend a stranger. It is His doing; not ours.

When we finally got home and put the little guys to bed, we sat with Stephen and Abbie and asked them what they thought about everything that took place. They admitted their initial fear and uncomfortableness, but they thought it was cool that when the evening was over, she had a safe and comfortable place to sleep.

Stephen and Abbie prayed for Sandy aloud, and as they did, I thanked Him for hiding the sun behind the clouds today.

*An excellent book that transformed my heart towards the poor is "Ministries of Mercy: The Call of the Jericho Road" by Timothy J. Keller.